Sunday, May 10, 2015

Understanding The Intimate Relationship Between Mothers and Their Sons


Under normal child delivery circumstances, Mothers are the first females encountered by males at birth. This leads to Mothers providing a plethora of first male and female experiences for their sons. These interactions mold and shape the son's relationships he will cultivate with women as an adult. It's a touchy subject to write and talk about because if words are not on point Moms get pissed and Son's go "Oh Hill Naw!" I'm going to forge ahead and take the risk of being labeled misguided and discombobulated.

In this article, I examine the physical intimate encounters between Mothers and male babies that impact the baby's future in relationships and marriages. This article/ blog post takes a look at Mother and Son firsts and how they define the boy that becomes a man.

I'll start with the obvious. A son's first loving touch from a human comes from his  Mother. It comes in the form of a hug or a cradle. These hugs and touches set a precedent that his emotions will unconsciously use to judge hugs and touches from females he will encounter through his walks of life by.

Mothers are the first females to kiss male babies they gave birth to. While not incestuous kisses in nature, they are intimate in a non-sexual context.  These kisses lay the groundwork for the emotions that kisses from future females will awaken within us.

Our Mother's soft kisses to our foreheads, cheeks, and chins sends our brains feelings of giddiness, happiness, and security associated with a woman's lips. Our Mothers are the first females to cradle our heads in their caring hands.  If a man finds a woman to be a good kisser - he's a man that was kissed a lot as a baby by his Mother, Aunts and Grandmothers.

Mothers are the first females sons love unconditionally. They do so because she loves unconditionally.

Our Mothers take the lead in teaching us how to interact with other women. As small boys, we watch her interaction with males and tend to take what we see as a model into our adult years. If she's a strong presence in her relationships with men - her son's future mates will be likewise. If she was a doormat for abuse, her son's future mates may want to thread lightly.



Our Mothers are the first to feed and nurture us. When a man says he wants a woman that can cook, he does not always mean it in the literal sense. Yes, a prepared meal by a female with culinary skills gets our attention and scores points. However often times someone that can provide emotional and spiritual sustenance surpasses someone with A- level culinary skills.

Our Mother's intimate body parts are the first female body parts we see.

Get your mind out of the gutter and don't go "Oh Jesus " and Aunt Esther on me yet.

It is a truth most bloggers and psych professionals choose to leave open ended. It is a truth that influences a boy's pilgrimage to manhood. I stress it is nonincestuous in nature. However, there is no arguing that in natural feeding contexts a Mother's breast is the first female body part young males physically encounter. It's a source of nourishment, comfort and security. It is an experience that he never forgets.

"The male fascination with breasts starts from the moment he is born and is a direct result of being breastfed as a baby. An infant has basic instincts that draw him towards his mother. He can actually smell her milk. The comfort a child receives by being nestled close to a mother’s breasts is one of total safety from the outside world. The feelings newborn experiences when suckling his mother’s breast include oral satisfaction, nourishment, nurturance, and unconditional love. Images of the mother’s breasts are embedded in his brain and resurface periodically as sexual fantasies. Sigmund Freud said that a child’s first erotic object is the mother’s breast. Not only mother’s love, but also sexual love--starting with the pleasure of kissing--centers around the breast". SOURCE



It is no wonder that later in life one of man's prerequisites of a female mate is some semblance of appealing breasts. If a baby hasn't suckled a breast, he's  certainly experienced the comfort of one against his head as he's fallen asleep.

Our Mothers are the first females we trust. Men can tell their Moms things they could never tell wives and girlfriends and Moms will process it for them. If some Mothers broke that trust and told what they knew about some nefarious activities by sons, the jails would fill up three times over. That's a bond, that's trust.

Moreover, very few Mothers violate that trust. That's one of the reasons some men are so taken aback when later in life a female violates their trust. We don't believe this "model" subconsciously embedded in our minds went wrong.

And we go back to Mom to dissect what went wrong. If we've done anything wrong, Mom calls us out on it. And we listen - because we trust her. Here is a side note - If you want a man to listen to you - try getting him to trust you first.

Our Mothers are the first females we will give everything we have got to. Why is that? Because we have seen her at some point in time sacrifice everything she had for us. What do most formally dirt poor turned millionaire athletes do? Buy Mom a house. Set Mom up right. That's because Mom always did everything she could to set us up right.

Those women that show up with success are sometimes envious of our relationships with our Mothers. That relationship isn't hard to understand. All one needs to know is Mom was there during the struggle.

Understanding the Mother - Son relationship is tantamount to understanding the successful heterosexual marriage or dating arrangement. Mothers indirectly influence both.

Try this little experiment ladies. If you're in a successful, happy relationship, look at your man's Mother's personality and traits. I'll bet you find some similarities.

On the other hand if you're in a relationship with a man that's just not working examining his Moms' history with him may just give the tools to fix the relationship or the awakening to end it.

This post is not meant to dilute the importance of Fathers in a young male's life. A present and active Father is just as important as a Mothers when it comes to child rearing. This post aims to highlight contexts of son's lives that Mothers impact through their natural role as a Mother.

Hopefully, clarity is the benefit you're the recipient of  if you have read this far. Do share your insights in the comment section of the Soup2Nuts Blog.

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