Elise About The Globe Journal / Back 2 Main Page
Friday, February 26th, 2016. Hey ya’ll. I got called in to work here to work earlier. Our boy Gee who normally posts got some food poisoning heaped on top of a respiratory infection and is laid up somewhere probably the only pale brown skin Kneegrow in the state right now. I hope he feels better.
Anywhoo I was sitting in the bushes across from my exe’s house when I got the call to come to work. My Samsung rang and scared my ass so bad I almost pissed in my Vicky Secrets.
Before ya’ll start I’ma stop ya asses - I’m not stalking nobody. Stalking is when you follow a “nigga” around. I’m not following anybody - I’m already there when he gets wherever he’s going. That’s not stalking that’s waiting on his ass. I just don’t approach him I just watch. I guess you can call me a serial Peeping Tom. I’m keeping his ass under surveillance “cause” I’m just nosey as hell.Then again I hope HE thinks “I’ma” stalker, cause we all know stalkers got some good ass coochie. Just one mo time man one mo time and I’ll hook you like crack. I’m seriously think about "smearin" some Massengill Creme on his car windshield thou.
Enough about me.
What the hell is going on in this presidential race? This damn Donald Trump ain’t no laughing matter anymore. This "heah" bad hair issue dodger looks like he’s headed for a showdown for occupancy of the big white house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Hunty, I’ma tell ya’ll right now if that man gets four years at the helm of this country our asses are going to be in all kinds of trouble. This country is going to double down with oligarchy and to hell with the weak and the poor - their asses will serve. Republican voters, y’all quit bullshitting.and throw some weight behind anybody ‘cept that constipated looking comedian.
What? Donald Trump’s eyes always squished up like he’s sitting on the toilet tryna’ force one out - y’all know that.
Now there is a story over on The Geo Gee Experience about some nassy ass heifer wearing a tampon for 9 days.
Hill naw to the naw naw naw!
The trick says she was caught up in final exams or some shit and forgot she had a tampon in her coochie. I feel safe in speaking for most “womens” on this. We know when something that feels like a lil dick is shoved up in our coochie. And, And, if we do get a little comfortable with said apparatus in our coochie we’re reminded it’s there when we wash our ass. So to go 9 days at which time this trick got sick cause the tampon had grown so much bacteria it had turned black and started poisoning her tells me she hadn’t washed “dat azz” in nine days . And how did the shit get public? She had to tell somebody and to that I say why? TMI. Keep shit like that to yourself. It’s hard enough tryna get brother to go downtown as it is without ‘em reading about shit like that.
The FBI is "fuggin" with Apple "tryna" get them to write some code that will let them get in folk’s phones and shit. I mean really, even Stevie Wonder can see through what the FBI is up to. They claim they want to get in this dead terrorist’s phone. Okay, get in then. With resources like the NSA, CIA,, and access to the best hackers in the world, the FBI can get in that phone. They’re using that phone to try and get Apple to write decryption code that will let their asses get in any phone they want to get in. Apple pretty much is telling them “fug off” we ain’t "doin" that. Get the full story HERE.
Every time I’m in a bar or club some dude always offers to buy me a drink. Now ladies we know nothing comes for free - especially drinks from strangers. Reciprocation to the meager display of generosity is expected if its nothing more that some conversation. I don’t fall for the okey doke. They gets shit from me if they don’t come correct and I sure am not giving up no “azz” for a drink. They have to at least come up with a month’s rent, car payment or "sumtin" more than a damn drink. Just "sayin". This whole drink buying thing was looked at in detail HERE.
I think Wendy Williams wants to hunch on Rihanna.
When you can’t keep another person’s name outta ya mouth you usually want to be them or want to hunch them - it's as simple as that. Get the latest Wendy slam on Rihanna HERE.Hey, y’all that’s my time. I’ma go fry me an egg make some coffee and work on some shit for my tell-all memoir. I'ma also check my coochie for forgotten toys, tampons, abandoned vienna sausages......
Get well Gee - we miss ya ass cussin’ us out.
Wednesday, February 10th 2016, Hey y'all. What have ya been into since my last update? I've been working, did a little partying, wrecked a car, slept on the floor, and ruined a cake. My ex has moved on with another, younger, better looking female model and I'm feeling some type of way about that. Any whoo I'm back with some notes and nuggets from my journal so let's get to it.
Naomi Campbell’s a bad ass woman. I don’t know any other way to describe her. Reports are flying all over the street about how she went out with Idris Elba one night and not long after Idris left his girlfriend of 2 and a half years. Then she got up on Twitter and was congratulating him on winning awards and shit. Then Idris started thanking folks other than his “girlfriend” for supporting him during his come up. Y’all ‘Omi done got the man caught up.
I’ve already got my popcorn and I’m settin’ back watchin the booted girlfriend Naiyana. I wanna see if she’s gonna take this heah man snacthin’ laying down. Some of y’all out there got men laying up with ya you’d give away - but this is Idris Elba here I’m talking about. You ain’t gon just roll up and take an Idris Elba from the average woman and she lay back and wave goodbye. This one could get good.
The stupid among us should not have Facebook accounts. Folks have gotten arrested, robbed, shot, beat up, and some more shit spilling their own tea on Facebook yet folks keep getting on the site and posting shit like nobody’s looking.
A Florida man was arrested after it was discovered that he had been married to three women at the same time.
Steven Rembert's bigamy was discovered when his second wife, Frances Rembert, saw on a friend's Facebook that Takesha Stephens had just changed her name to "Mrs. Rembert."
Frances was especially shocked because she knew Takesha, and she described Takesha as having been like "their daughter."
Y’all women gon’ learn ‘bout letting these heifers masquerade round ya’lls husbands and boyfriends as “play daughters”. If she ain’t no kin to him or me, and she’s past 16 and smelling herself - there ain’t nothing to play ‘bout.
Frances left his three timing ass in April.
Yeah “three timing ass” - keep reading.
This heah Romeo, Steven Rembert had also been married to someone before Frances. He married his first wife, Evondria Marshay Bryan-Rembert, in 2006, five years before he married Frances. There is no record of any of the three marriages having been ended in a divorce.
Y’all outchea background checking on credit, bank accounts and STD better add “marriage” to that list.
Now here is some real f****d up shit. The Chicago cop that shot and killed Quintonio LeGrier is suing the teens family.
Yes I mean to tell you that a cop shot a teenager and is suing the teenager’s family.
Officer Robert Rialmo’s attorney confirmed that Rialmo is planning to file a lawsuit against the estate of LeGrier. Citing emotional stress and assault.
Chicago outlet WGN spoke with Officer Robert Rialmo’s attorney Joel Brodsky, who confirmed his client’s aims in filing the suit in the next couple of weeks.
On Dec. 26, Rialmo answered a domestic disturbance call and claims LeGrier attacked him thus the reason for the suit.
NEWS FLASH Officer Rialmo - getting attacked comes with the job.
The LeGrier family contends that Rialmo’s used an excessive amount of force, shooting LeGrier in the back four times. Bettie Jones, a mother of five, was also accidentally shot and killed by Rialmo.
Well damn - this dude just went aOk Corral up there.
Further, it was reported that LeGrier called 911 three times the night he was killed before police finally responded. Rogers has requested the names and job titles of the dispatchers working that evening when his client was shot. Allegedly, the dispatcher hung up on LeGrier.
Legrier family Bill Foutris called Rialmo’s lawsuit plans a “desperate” and “baseless” attempt to keep the attention off the fact he may have been out of line in handling the matter, reports CBS 2.
SOURCE: CBS News,
I sure hope this doesn’t spark some kind of trend with these trigger happy police folk. It’s gonna get crazy as hell out there if juries start rewarding officers for killing folk.
Chile I tell y’all these crooks outchea will steal anything. The state of Wisconsin was recently gripped by the harrowing tale of the two recent cheese heists, which involved $160,000 worth of missing dairy products from two different cities, hundreds of miles apart. The police wound up getting both loads of cheese back. The last stolen load of 41,000 pounds of Parmesan cheese worth $90,000.00 that was jacked on Jan 15 was recovered the following Thursday thanks to a tipster’s information provided to police.
My question to the thieves would be, “What in the name of hell did ya’ll plan to do with thousands of pounds of cheese?”
Cheese is not the type of thing you can march your ass in a pawn shop with. You certainly aren’t going to get “Lil Starter Pistol and Nookie and them” to hawk it on the corner.
Y’all know what the detective in me tells me? These crooks jacked the wrong trucks. I think these jokers were going for something else and when they found out they had cheese they parked those big rigs and hauled ass.
Barbie Gets Curves - Booty Not So Much So
|No This is Not Mattel's Barbie|
On Friday, January 29th, the folks over at Mattel announced it would be introducing a line of Barbie dolls whose “figures” would more accurately reflect human proportions.
I was expecting to see Barbie with some stomach, booty, slightly sagging ta-tas. That ain’t happening y’all.
They look like the same Barbies to me. I admit I’ve only seen pictures so maybe if one of you all can get one and get it naked - let me know what y’all think.
If the dolls pictured in the press releases are the same ones in the Fashionista line then we won’t be seeing a truly “thicka than snika” Barbie.
You see the new dolls HERE.
And lastly on this update - the Carolina Panthers LOSS to the Denver Broncos in Superbowl 50. There was something not right about that loss. Could my fellow blogger and all round cute guy "G" over at word press be on to something? It's hard to argue that he's not. GO HERE.
See y'all on the next update.
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016 #rihanna, #2016 snow, #Oprah Winfrey
Thank God I'm in Charlotte N.C. and I'm going to keep my big booty here for a minute while this erratic weather comes to its senses. If you've been following my journal here then you know I got caught up in Crystal City VA this past weekend by that mega snowfall that smothered Washington D.C. and surrounding areas. When I say I was snowed in, I mean my big ass was snowed in for three days. Look I'm going to tell you getting snowed in a hotel takes on an institutionalized ambiance after two days.
While D.C. was covered in snow, right up I-95 some parts of New Jersey were getting major flooding. Back down south the wind in some parts of N.C. were under attack from Hurricane strength winds. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide on the east coast this past weekend. Fortunately, most folks escaped the erratic weather unscathed.
Big ups to Charlotte's Panthers for WINNING (New England Patriots I still SEE ya'll's asses messing with BALLS in 2014) their way into the Superbowl. Now win that and seal the damn deal.
Anyway, I learned today that Lady O made 12 million dollars off of one tweet about bread. I wish I could sit on my big booty and make two dollars off of one tweet. Yeah, old girl Oprah tweeted about her Weight Watcher's Journey and eating bread. She tied the tweet in with a 30 second video clip and the mix turned up to be a major piece of advertising for a weight loss company she owns shares of stocks in.
According to Market Watch, the resulting rise in shares for Weight Watchers had the price of shares up to $2, and with Winfrey owning about 6 million shares, that's a cool $12 million from just one tweet.
Donald Trump is scared of a blond reporter. How in the hell does he expect to deal with the likes of a Kim Jong-un, Vladimir Putin, Al-Baghdadi, and a host of others that "don't fuck around with fuckery" if he's scared of lil ole Megyn Kelly. Hey Trump when you find yourself knee deep in country running shit, you can't take your toys and run home.
Ri Ri dropped a surprise on us this week. On Wednesday, Jan 27th a new Rihanna single, “Work,” went public proceeded to shoot to the top of the iTunes charts in dozens of countries. Then around 7 p.m. Eastern time, what appeared to be her entire eighth album, “Anti,” had leaked online, another misstep in an already fraught rollout. Yeah a lot of folks had an "oh shit" moment. Some folks managed to snag the album before the miscue was caught and the album taken off the Internet. Read more about that HERE. There is a hell of a backstory behind Rihanna's latest work - it started in a basement of all places.
Folks often write to me requesting relationship, dating, men, and women advice. I write right back to them and tell them I'm not a Steve Harvey wanna be a Steve Harvey wanna be relationship coach. Yeah, I've experienced a lot of shit out here and can spot phony and sniff out bullshit before the bullshitter takes a dump but these folks at S2N don't pay me to sit in a chair and listen to folks laying on a sofa telling me their woes.
But I received an email from one lady that I couldn't walk away from. Now I don't know if this woman is dick whipped beyond return, thirsty as hell, or just plain lazy as hell - but she got a problem.
She opened her email with,
I read your column on S2N Media and you seem like a strong willed level headed woman. Maybe you can help me.
I've been dating a married man for two years. It started out nice but after about a year he started disrespecting me when we were out by getting involved in conversations with other women and ignoring me.
This happens a lot when we go clubbing and when I confront him he tells me I'm overreacting to nothing and I wind up feeling stupid.
I've also found on two occasions texts on his phone from women that appeared to be looking for him.
He is currently not working and I help him out with his cell phone bill, pocket money, and pay when we go out. He tells me he loves me and I believe he does.
My question is why can't he stop being distracted by other women. Why am I not enough for him? I do everything in and out of the bed he asks. What am I missing?
In Love in Detroit
Now that's a copied excerpt from a long letter. This woman gave details on her oral and anal techniques requesting my critique. She talked about cooking cleaning waiting for hours to see this fool she's dating.
So...In Love in Detroit here's my advice.
Drop that zero because he'll never be your hero in any context. As a matter of a fact Detroit it's women like you that enable pimp and mack daddy personalities to thrive and continue to sell their bullshit to unsuspecting women.
They get over on you and their ego gets inflated and they get to the point they think women are stupid. NOT. This here motherfucker you're dealing with does not give a damn about you or the womb you came out of girl. Look if a mofo can't pay his cell bill he can't do shit for you, me, or the next heffa.
You're fucking, feeding, and paying the fucker's bills.
One more thing. If you've been dating him for two years and his wife hasn't caught on - she don't want his ass either - IF he has a wife. I'm inclined to think the wife is really a ploy he's using to buy time away from your ass while he's fleecing some other woman.
Dump him and dump him quick.
Lawd ya'll, this one's got me clutching my pearls and gritting my teeth It's got my coothie clentched so tight a greased BB can't get in. I'm going to leave this installment of Elise About The Globe with a message to thirsty men and women.
Drink from a well of honesty and commitment. Don't lay down to be anybody's doormat or fool.
Right now I'm going to drink from a glass with some liquor in it.
Tuesday, January 26th, 2016 - Snowed In Just Outside Of Washington D.C. #dcsnow, #2016snowstorm, #NSFW, #shower
Hey ya'll after being hemmed up here in Crystal City Virginia because of the weekend's massive East Coast snowstorm it looks like I'm getting out of here tomorrow. I'm going to take a shower and selfie myself washing this real estate off of me.
Saturday, January 23rd, 2016 - Snowed In Just Outside Of Washington D.C. #dcsnow, #2016snowstorm, vibrator, #NSFW, #martini
Hi ya’ll, Elise here. I’m really going to be stuck here for awhile This snowstorm is no joke. There is snow outside this hotel that is as high as my big hips.
All flights out of Regan are grounded. Bus, Uber, and Cab service have been paralyzed by all the snow. It’s 6 pm and more snow is falling on top of the three feet that's already on the ground.
Being snowed in here in this Crystal City hotel with about 100 other guests has given me an idea for a movie script.
A group of folks ( like us) gets snowed in a hotel. This is no ordinary snow. It snows for three days straight covering the hotel leaving it buried under five feet of snow. Before dig out can begin the snow freezes to solid ice trapping everyone inside.
Meanwhile inside the hotel some people begin to lose it. There’s random sex that pops up out of anxiety. There is theft. Folks start turning up dead. There is no mobile or landline phone connection. Eventually the power goes out.
Then rats start showing up. The weight of the snow and ice on the hotel roof become an issue and the guests realize the possibility of the roof caving in. Will they escape the wrath of each other, the rats, and find a way out of the hotel before roof caves in? Will they ever get out? You’ll have to stay tuned until I or someone here at Soup2Nuts Media writes the story or book.
Anyhow, I had scrambled eggs, turkey sausage and toasted Hawaiian slices for breakfast. Thank God for the commercial distribution of Starbucks Coffee. This hotel had some on tap and I happily consumed two big mugs with breakfast.
I made spam sandwiches for lunch.
Dinner was spazzed out! I ordered room service. Gigantic steak, green peas, baked potato covered in cheese and a bottle of wine. I drank the entire bottle and wound up getting horny as a locked up twenty - year old. I seriously had to “v” myself calm.
I’ve met some interesting people today. One man, a big burly type with beady eyes and mountain man beard marooned here by the snow told me he was on the way to Omaha to bring back to Georgia a bail jumper the Omaha authorities were holding. Then there is the two married women that stopped in D.C. with their children on a winter vacation. They sure got one.
I’ve been watching these two teenage looking girls that look like runaways. They act shifty and are very aloof. They aren’t with any adults but certainly seem to have some working charge cards. They were in the restaurant charging damn near everything on the menu and then eating it. I bumped into them coming out of the hotel’s gift shop in the afternoon carrying a lot of bags. I saw them again, later on standing outside smoking cigarettes. I don’t know about these two. They could be engaging in hoeism.
Just after I was done eating dinner some older businessman knocked on my door and wanted to know if I’d be interested in coming down stairs to have a drink with him. Translated - “Baby would you be interested in giving me some ass later on?” Answer “No”. I don’t drink with strangers I meet in hotels and I definitely don’t give them ass - that’s how you wind up missing. I may be seated in the “horny” section right now but I’m a long ways from stupid and desperate.
With more than 13 inches of snow outside I’m not going anywhere anytime soon so I’m going to Netflix Binge for awhile. Then maybe get drunk and have some fun with myself.
Thanks for reading,
Friday, January 22, 2016 #dcsnow, #2016snowstorm, vibrator, #NSFW, #martini
A few miles across the water citizens of the nation's capitol are hunkering down to get dumped on. It's expected to be a long quarantined weekend.
Snow was falling earlier this evening when I caught a cab over the a local Giant grocery to pick up some munchy crunchers. I shouldn't have to tell you, snow is great for the grocery business. The Giant I went to looked like it had been looted. Most of the shelves were bare. There were still people scavenging around for what I don't know.
One thing I do know is there is going to be a lot of eating and sexing going on over the weekend. Yeah that latter one is good for hospital delivery room, and pediatric businesses. There will be an increase in September 2016 born babies if these folks are locked in together over the weekend. You can trust and believe that.
This will also be the weekend when a few folks realize they can't stand each other anymore. If someone has been faking the funk, being incarcerated under the same roof for a few days will push their tolerance levels to the bursting point.
Somewhere under the serenity of a heavy snowfall, someone is going to accept what they've been trying to deny for quite some time. "I don't want to be with him/her anymore". Heavy snow cover will prompt a lot of "come to Jesus" meetings all across the region.
It happened to a Soup2Nuts Media writer years ago. As a matter of a fact, it happened on New Year's eve during the heavy snow storm of 1996 right up the road in Riverdale Maryland.
The poor guy came home around 9:00 pm. Heavy snowfall had blanketed the area and it was cold. He walks in the house and old girl tells him straight out of the gate she doesn't want to be with him anymore. No warning, no discussion, just "ya ass got to go" - and tonight. True story. And he went out into the Maryland night to find a place to sleep. Lucky for him he knew a lady that rented rooms and called her. She had an available room. The next day he went back to the apartment he'd shared for 11 years with the woman that dumped him and got his things. There was karma. About two weeks later old girl showed up his door asking him to come over and change her locks because she was afraid of her new boyfriend. Dude said he was like...
Looks like I'm not going to get back to Charlotte until next week. So I may as well make the best of my time being snowed in this hotel. I'm going to do some Netflix and chill, eat, relax, and get some work done. I'm definitely going to do some "v" dating. That's "vibrator dating" for the slang illiterate.
Women don't act like you don't vibrator date because you do. I own mine. I'm going to give myself a good Mandingo pounding. I ain't got no shame about it. I'm so stressed out and tense if I did have access to a man at the moment I'd still have to vibrate myself calm before doing him.
Then I'm going to fix me a lemon drop martini and have a blow date with my vibrator. I have a vibrator that I picked up awhile back in a shoddy sex shop in New York that you can fill with your favorite drink, ice cream, or whatever. When you reach that plateau where you need some good tasting spray (if ya know what I mean) press a button and make a mess. It'll even heat what's inside if you need it to.
Before I go did any of you hear the latest drop from K. Michelle? It's titled "Not A Little Bit". I'm feeling it. Check it out for yourself.
Enjoy while I start this snowbound weekend off right! Holla at sister in the comment area!
1-16-2016 #Natalie Cole, #Casino, David Bowie, #powerball, #lottery, #prostate massage
Welcome into 2016. And welcome to a new and improved Soup 2 Nuts Media. The owners of the blog have done some cosmetic and GUI upgrades that they hope you like. If you do, drop them a line via the contact form on the About page. If there s something you don't like tell them that too - they aim to please.
Let me see. I'm just getting into Atlanta via San Diego. I spent Christmas in Vegas. That's the worse place to spend Christmas unless you have family there. Gambling on Christmas morning is not something that God endorsed.
I came I saw, I lost some money and hauled ass down to Philly for a Christmas dinner with some friends I know over on the west side. See when you're a single black woman with no relationship and very little known branches on your family tree you can flow like that on holidays.
Anyway enough about me. I want to talk about some of the tea, shade, and news that came after the 2016 year got underway.
We lost songstress Natalie Cole. I'm a fan and always wanted to see Natalie achieve one more big show. That was not to be. Natalie passed away on New Year's Eve. Rest in peace sister - you will be missed.
Singer, songwriter, musician, record producer, painter and actor Davis Bowie passed away on January 10, 2016. This one caught me by surprise. His 40 year friend Robert Fox was caught off guard by Bowie's death too. RIP David Bowie.
January 2016 will go down in history as one of the months where a lottery payout reached an all-time high. As a matter of a fact chile that sucker got up to 1.6 billion before three purchasers cameup with all the numbers that snatched the cash.
Hunty, I played that sucker like a desperate poker player that's gone all in on a messed up hand. I, just like the rest of you wound up buying more tickets, checking more tickets throwing away more tickets.
On the morning I learned three tickets had hit the jackpot I went in my duffel bag and got all the tickets I'd purchased during a two-week span and threw them on the floor. The floor looked like the floor of a Wall Street trading room at the end of a Friday closing.
Folks spent some money chasing that billion. Let me tell you what one heffa did.
A heffa by the name of Cinnamon Nicole from Cordova, TN managed to raise a little more than $800 in seven hours via her Powerball Reimbursement Go Fund Me page before the page was taken down.
Nicole alleges to have spent all of her money on purchasing tickets with the assumption she would win the $1.6 billion jackpot, but soon realized the winning tickets were sold in Los Angeles, Florida and Tennessee suburbs.
Y'all, this heffa has something a heffa isn't supposed to have and that's balls. She spends all of her money on the lottery, then starts a GoFundMe page and tells us what she did. That coochie got balls yall.
What do we do? Give her more money! Ya'll got some big hearts.
Now I have to speak on this. If y'all haven't read the story on Soup 2 Nuts media about Martin co-star Tichina Arnold's husband Rico cheating on her. Now this married f***kboy done raw dogged some 20 hoes and recorded some of it.
Whew, Jesus grab me, I'm clutching
Hey, my fellow ladies that are experts on pleasing a man I have a question for you. Have you ever tried prostate massage on your guy? I hear it will make him climb the walls. Check it out HERE
Before I go, y'all gotta know trumped up debt is the new slavery. Read about HERE. Yeah slavery is still alive and well.
Thanks for rolling with me on this edition of Elise Around The Globe.